Do Kenyans kiss? This was the question posed to a group of about thirty ladies, young and old, from all walks of life on a pretty Saturday afternoon. As you can imagine, the women laughed and threw out various answers:

“Of course!”

“Why not?”

“Even in public!”

This was the beginning of a rousing discussion entitled “Sexually Speaking” held on 17^th October at the Storymoja premises in Spring Valley.

Storymoja organizes a Woman in Leadership forum every month, with a view to providing a comfortable space for women to get together, exchange ideas on topics that concern them, and network. Previous sessions have been held on balancing work and personal life, social etiquette and doing a life audit, to name a few. Participants aid they enjoyed these talks very much. The Sexually Speaking session was no exception, as it was an afternoon of candid conversation on how various issues of our lives affect our sexuality.

Valentine Njoroge

The moderator of the session was Storymoja’s MD, Muthoni Garland, who introduced the guest speaker, Valentine Njoroge, a columnist with the Nairobi Star.

Back to the all-important question: “Do Kenyans kiss?”

A lady in blue jacket pointed out that Kenyans do kiss, but in private because Africans generally are uncomfortable with public displays of affection. A popular radio MD was of the opinion that Africans should start kissing more in public. She added that kissing should be depicted in African movies, plays and books so that people get used to it. If this happens then most people will find it a normal act of affection and not off putting.

However, an editor at the meeting disagreed. She asked why should we as Africans, copy the white people and kiss in public?

“Africans have their own way of showing affection!” She emphasized.

The younger ladies in the group were surprised to know from the older ladies that sex gets much better when you grow older!

“You gain more confidence sexually when you get older.”

A former MP said. “It’s like you find yourself!”

A retired banker and counsellor agreed. “When you get older you have a broader idea of what you want from life and you know how to get it.” She added that not only does sex get better with age; it also gets better after birth! “You are more accepting of your body and loose inhibition.”

She summed it up for us: Age doesn’t matter, if you have confidence in your body, and yourself, you have no reason not to have great sex!

One lady lamented that young Kenyan girls don’t have sexual confidence from a young age. The only guy brave enough to attend the session concurred and said a big example is women having the mistaken assumption that the vagina is ugly! It is because from a young age, most Kenyan girls are taught not to look, touch, or even think about their vagina. Valentine talked us into loving all our body parts, including the vagina. “You should examine the vagina, and love it and in fact it, give it a name!” She recommended.

We realized that most of us did not know the equivalent of the word vagina in our local dialects. From the session I learnt that “vagina” in Kikuyu is “keino.” That’s why Kikuyu who know this don’t dare call athlete hero Kipchoge by his second name! So what you do call it in your mother tongue? If you don’t know, find out. Along the way, you will learn more about your traditional sexual practices. It was noted that these practices are not necessarily bad, as we have been taught to believe.

The session was not all play; we became very sombre when we discussed sexual health. Valentine and Muthoni concurred that sexual health is a very serious matter and we should have a “sexual health conversation” with any one we have sex with. How do you ask your sexual partner whether he has ever had an STD? Or that you need to go get tested for HIV together?

A lady with a lovely afro hair-do complained that it usually is a very difficult conversation because men are not engaging. She told us most of the times she has brought up the subject of getting tested; her sexual partners have not been co-operative. “They say something like, I already tested for HIV. Then I ask, but can’t we go together?” she said. This is not an easy conversation to have. But Valentine stressed that you must this conversation with anyone you intend to have sex with because it’s a matter of life and death. If a man doesn’t want to discuss a healthy sexual relationship, then he probably is not worth risking your life for!

A small-bodied girl in red pointed out that the “lets go tested” conversation is way up there with the “meet my parents” conversation. So ladies don’t discuss HIV and other STD’s with people they have casual sex with. If you have such a conversation, you automatically make the relationship serious. This brought about such a hue and cry among the ladies regarding casual sex. Is the Kenyan woman today engaging in casual sex? Or has she always kept it “on the down low” because she feels that the society will judge her as loose?

One proud Luyha woman was adamant that she couldn’t have sex with just anyone! “I have stayed celibate for two years because I cannot have casual sex!” she insisted, sending the whole group into fits of laughter. “I can’t let any man just come to pour things into me as if I were a toilet!” She told us it is not that she doesn’t have sexual urges, she does have a good sexual appetite, but she manages it by going to the gym.

But the lady with the afro hair-do said that such judgments are what make women who have casual sex feel as if they were immoral. The pointing of fingers and the disapproving looks from people is what makes some girls shy to come out and say they do enjoy casual sex. She argued that sometimes the body just wants sex! Yes, just sex, without the emotional connection or the relationship. And if that is so, we should be okay with that, and either have protected sex at all times or learn how to control the urge. The ladies remained divided on this heated point.

Another major discussion that came up was how we should speak to our children about sex. Most us don’t know how because we were never spoken to about it by our parents. A lady banker said, “When we were young, we were just told you should wait till your married to have sex, and that sex before marriage is bad because you could get pregnant.” Valentine told us that parents should be in the loop regarding their children’s sexuality. The conversation should be two-way, and should be informal and frequent. A parent in the meeting said her ten-year-old son was already going to the internet for information on sex, and so today parents need to have this conversation early on. She said she talks to her son to learn what is going in with him, and what he knows, regularly and very casually, for instance in the car on his way to school.

The session was quite animated, spirited and enthusiastic. We even ran out of time and were not able to discuss all the scheduled topics. Valentine concluded by telling us that the modern Kenyan woman can change their sexual behaviour. It is possible to have a healthier sex life, a confident sex life, and an educated sex life. One step is by attending sessions such as this one, with informed, opinionated women who are willing to share their knowledge.

The Storymoja forum was not only informative and entertaining, it was loads of fun! After the session, participants chatted together over cups of tea and cake and continued discussing the hot topic with much enthusiasm. Women made new friends and contacts. A number concluded that this particular topic was pertinent and very broad so we should discuss it some more in future. Please check our website to find out when the next session will be held for this and other topics for “Women in Leadership.”

Report by Phanice Shamalla

Imagine sitting in a group with people you don’t know and sharing what is unique about you. Scary, right? Well, it definitely was a new experience for me, but also very liberating; it was the perfect ice-breaker. This was how a session on ‘Life Audits’ began, part of Storymoja’s Women in Leadership forum. Anyone who has been to one of these sessions knows there is something new and challenging every month.

Once we got past the initial restraint, it was good to realise that being a perfectionist or a neat freak is not really an issue, but a ‘positively’ unique trait that some would kill for. So really, my life audit began with the realisation that when people tell me that I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) issues, it’s not really an issue – it’s a positive trait, one they just don’t have!

This Women in Leadership session held on 18^th April was a truly valuable experience. It was unfortunate that only a few women came on time (kudos to you!) hence the fully-earned phrase: ‘Kenyan timing’. Others trickled in slowly as the session went on.

The way in which Betty Wamalwa Muragori and Muthoni Garland led this interactive session made it far more exciting. As they say, “it’s not what you say, but how you say it that matters.” Betty Wamalwa, a writer, a poet, an expert in leadership training, research and consultancy, and Muthoni Garland, moderator at the event, MD of Storymoja and the author of “Tracking The Scent of My Mother” which was nominated for the UK Caine prize in 2006.

Some of the ideas discussed were drawn out of books by leading self-help authors such as Steven Covey, Robin Sharma, Paulo Coelho or Rhonda Byrne, which made it a session ground in expert advice. The format was not at all like that of a school teacher telling her students what they ought to learn to fix their lives. Rather it was highly interactive, with a lot of sharing of issues, questions, curiosities – name it what you will – that took us on an exploratory journey through our lives – auditing them. As we sat in pairs, we shared our goals, strengths and perceptions and told each other how we see ourselves while asking how others perceive us. We learnt that some of us are great friends, generous, while others want to be millionaires and no matter how much you brought up why, that goal only strengthened as the discussion continued.

Not only did we learn a lot about ourselves – it’s amazing how much you don’t really know about yourself until you make a deliberate effort to find out – the process also was a lot of fun. Networking with women from all walks of life was an added bonus, and the cherry on the top was when Betty Wamalwa and Muthoni Garland giving us a mini special performance of Sitawa Namwalie’s poetry from Cut Off My Tongue. These two women are inspiring, perhaps because they have taken the time to audit their lives and from the foundation of this knowledge can reach further to be best they can be.

I can’t wait for the next Storymoja women’s event: A session of the Women Mentoring Women forum that will be held on Saturday 16^th May 2009 at the Storymoja offices at 2pm. Entry is 1000 shs, which is a small price to pay for your “5 minutes with Fame” – Yes, Fame…

We have so far confirmed Valerie Kimani (winner of Tusker Project Fame 1), Betty Wamalwa, Jacqueline Machaka (MD of Language Solutions). A complete list of the mentor panel will be up on here shortly.

Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday 16^th May 2009.

Please call Sheila on 0722 838 161 to reserve your place.

Nureen Velji

Marketing & PR

As you dressed up this morning, how many of you grabbed the easiest thing you have to wear: that same old comfy suit or pair of black pants and nearest top on hand, quickly brushed your hair and then rushed out the door? How good can you feel about yourself the whole day after such a rush job? No time, you say? You’ve got more urgent things to deal with? Excuses, all excuses, is what we learnt at the Storymoja Women in Leadership Forum last Saturday. We all have 24 hours in a day – each and every one of us. Those who always look their best decide to do so.

Two image consultants shared invaluable advice at the seminar on February 28^th in Spring Valley, Nairobi. More than 30 women attended the event, women who realize the value of taking time for themselves for a change, rather than taking care of everyone else, as women tend to do. The topic was social and business etiquette: how to present yourself in the best way possible.

The main thrust was that we are walking advertisements of ourselves, everywhere, all the time, and so must look and act our best at all times – even for a quick trip to the supermarket. You’ll never know who you might bump into. “There is no second chance to make a good first impression” said Mildred Awiti, the main speaker. It was quite clear why she was Kenya’s first super-model; she still looked like one, casually elegant in the striking Storymoja colours: magenta and black. She asked the audience to guess her age and no one could even guess the right decade! Who wouldn’t take tips from her? Ms. Awiti is an experienced sales trainer and entrepreneur.

The other presenter, equally elegant in a flowery, summery dress, was Nthenya Mesyuko, an events manager and singer. Her liveliness and sense of humor kept the audience engaged throughout as she passed on very practical information about the best way to wear clothes, hair, shoes and so on. Two lucky women were made up by her, and looked gorgeous afterwards in an understated way. We were showed in action that make up is supposed to enhance your features, not scare people away. I wish more women knew this!

The session was highly interactive, which made it all the more fun. At one point we were divided into groups for a competition on which group carried the most useful things in their handbags. A list was read out that included items such as safety pins, IDs, tweezers, books, lotion, etc. The rarest item was shoes – who carries shoes around? Apparently one woman did! The lesson was that ladies should be prepared for any eventuality with a hairbrush or mint or pads or business cards. At the same time, we were warned against really huge bags, because the bigger the bag, the more stuff one put in, and this was not good for the back and posture.

Oh yes, posture. Ms. Awiti had a lot to say about it: how to stand well (tuck in that ass!), walk right (tuck in that ass!), sit right (tuck in that belly, hold up your chest, keep your legs together). This is why this session was so useful. It was not full of airy notions about feeling good about yourself, but practical doable tips on how to achieve this. We learnt what colors went with what skin tones, how to shop for shoes (a bad shoe shows on your face!), and how to behave at a cocktail party, from greetings to handling food and drink, to moderating your voice (watch those drinks or you’ll be shrieking!), how to switch from an office to a cocktail look, and much more.

From the way the questions kept flying, it was clear that women are thirsty for this kind of information, and yet there almost no such forums where women can gather in a relaxed safe space, exchange ideas and learn from the experts. This is why Storymoja organizes such events: we are committed to enriching the lives and minds of young, old and in-betweens by providing venues and books that provoke thought and inspire change.

It was great to hang out with like-minded women interested in self-development, and we had fun to boot, including mingling over tea and snacks and buying books after the talk. I’m sure most of us left refreshed and with a renewed resolve to be the best that we can be, inside and out.

Whilst this session dealt mainly with re-vamping the outside, Storymoja is planning another on working on the inside: doing a personal audit of your life. Watch this space for details of our next Women in Leadership forum. This will be yet another must-attend session for anyone determined to achieve her life’s goals – don’t miss it!

The History

1.      What we have done so far illustrates what this series is about:

Our first discussion attended by about fifty women, ”Turning Tables on Tradition’ yielded multiple insights about glass ceilings including the challenge – do they exist or are they self-created excuses that stop women from living up to their full potential. We talked about men being predatory by nature, and about the social conditioning behaviors we’ve had to unlearn on our career journeys. Betty Radier, the Managing Director of McCann Erickson, inspired us to ‘Hop on our Bike’ and to use the power of networking and personal branding. Most of all, she advised that we aggressively focus on the performance of the business as the surest means to reach the top; that focus on profits neutralizes the gender factor. 

At the second session, Eva Muraya, CEO Color Creations inspired us to think bigger, to dare to dream. About fifty women attended this session. Using her own life story to illustrate her journey from relative poverty to the extreme occasion where she socialized with Condeleeza Rice and Hillary Clinton, Eva challenged us to set stretching life and career goals, to persevere through obstacles, to reject negative influences in our lives, to nourish ourselves spiritually and to believe in our power to change the world…one dream at a time. The discussion revolved around our fears about articulating our dreams, about our fear of seeming too ambitious and the challenges that achievement sometimes brings into our family or romantic relationships, and about our need for mentors and role models.

Our lack of financial power is perhaps why the women’s voice is so often silent or easy to ignore. At our third session, Laila Macharia , Principal Director – Scion Real ( a real estate development and financial structuring company with projects in several African countries) profiled the financial steps that women need to take at various age stages in order to secure their financial future. She took 100 or so women through basic financial terminology, gave us investment advice and challenged us to work smarter. We discussed how many of the constraints women face in the financial arena are self-imposed, while others are a result of tradition and a discriminatory legal framework. Many of the women in the room belonged to ‘chamas’ that spend much of their time socialising, and some of the women had never sought professional financial advice believing that you had to have Ksh 100,000- 500,000 to invest before it made sense to do so. We talked about our fear of being seen to be ‘feminists’, about whether we are prepared to do what it takes to make ‘real’ money.

At the 2008 annual Storymoja Fiesta on 10^th August, we held lively sessions on the Work/Life Balance moderated by Irene Kinuthia, a professional trainer, Ivy Mwai led a session on Mentoring, and Muthoni Garland moderated a session titled, ‘What do Women Want?

In November 2008, Storymoja partnered Nyokabi Njuguna, an entrepreneur who was one of the lucky five mentored over a month in the US in the Vital Voices Fortune 500 Series in organising a mentoring walk. Over 300 women took part in the walk at the Nairobi Safari walk, those older in business or corporate life, paired with younger versions of themselves thus providing an opportunity for networking and for sharing experiences and lessons. 

2.      Why did we perceive need for a Women in Leadership discussion series?

The wisdom being passed on to the next generation about women through media, various imagery, proverbs, and popular sayings (including women telling their young sons ‘stop behaving like a girl!’) is generally negative and will continue negatively stereotyping the role of women unless women take control of shaping their own contemporary history by either by writing it themselves or by raising the alarm when it is distorted by others. 

Storymoja intends to take up this challenge by facilitating writers to write about women today in a different way - stories of Kenyan women as achievers, workers, wives and mothers rather than predominantly victims; stories of Kenya women as spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical beings. We cannot do this effectively unless we engage with women, and stimulate them to discuss the issues that affect them. We sprinkle writers in the room to be stimulated by the discussion and to meet women whom we can quote or feature in our writing. 

3.      Why a monthly discussion forum?

We choose to do this in a down-to-earth practical forum that encourages sharing rather than lecturing. In building a community we hope that over time we’ll earn the trust of those who attend and allow them to feel ‘safe’ enough to open up. By staying connected with these women, we nurture trust and commitment. It also serves our research need. Through this forum, we’ve noticed a deep hunger for discussions that feed our emotional intelligence, for information that allows us financial freedom, and for lifestyle guidance and the validation that comes from knowing how other women deal with similar dilemmas and issues. 

4.      Whom do we target?

Women aged 25-45years. Many work in the corporate sector, some are entrepreneurs. Our Guests Speakers meet this profile, and must be ‘aspirational’ and able to present material that feeds our imagination and mentally challenges those who attend. The Guest Speaker introduces the topic, and then lays out points for discussion. Muthoni Garland moderates to ensure the widest possible participation.  

Storymoja arranges the sessions, invites and briefs the guest speakers, moderates the discussion, arranges for photography and other publicity material, writes up the reports to feature on other media websites. Our writers could generate articles that could feature in any medium/media.   

What next?

Join us by emailing your name, brief profile and expression of interest to millie@storymojaafrica.co.ke

We welcome your ideas. 

Please call to arrange a meeting, or feel free to email any questions or comments.

The Kenyan chapter of WMW walk that is to take place in 15 countries around the world has started with a bang, over 250 ladies attended a workshop on the 15th November at the SSD hall in spring valley, the workshop was designed to equip the women with vital mentorship skills. The soon to be mentors workshop who have all volunteered to ‘pay it forward’ to the next generation of leaders was led by Ms Nyokabi Njuguna,the CEO of marketing strategies solution and an alumni of the Vital voices/fortune 500 mentorship programme assisted by Fostina Mani. The mentee session was led by ms muthoni garland the MD of Storymoja publishers organizers of the women in leadership programme.

These are highlights from Mentee’s presentation:

Working with a Business Mentor

9 career tips:
1. Education – the continuing search for knowledge is the foundation to success. Degrees, diplomas, short courses, workshops etc. – exploit all to increase brainpower.
2. Information – this is the information age. Knowledge is increasingly the key economic driver. Be a surfer girl and harness the vast amount of information on the internet.
3. Communication and interpersonal skills – women are often advantaged in these ‘soft’ skills that lend themselves to newer styles of management that is – less authoritative structures, greater emphasis on team building, partnerships, customer focus etc.
4. Plan your career (and life) – short, medium and long term objectives. You are more likely to get what you want if you have clear goals.
5. Find a mentor – counter advantages of the ‘old boys’ network and bar and golf networks by finding a mentor.
6. Network – and let it (also) be career related. Men network less but more effectively.
7. Project Confidence – given like for like situation, the one who projects more confidence (not necessarily louder) will be more successful.
8. Self promote – do not assume that other people (e.g. bosses) have time, energy or inclination to seek out your successes.
9. Be positive – it is infectious, inspiring, and good to be around. As Barack Obama says, Yes we can!

Based on the following basic guidelines, participants then discussed their own Career Strategies :

1. Imagine your future, say in ten years – what do you do? where do you live? Married? Children? etc. If you struggle to do this, who do you envy, why, and how do you think they live?
2. Rank what matters (most) to you? E.g money, environment, family/friends, health, self expression etc.
3. What are your career goals – 5/10/20 years?
4. What are the steps need to get there?
5. What are the skills sets you need to have/hone at each stage?

What is a mentor?
1. A ‘trusted counselor or guide,’ or ‘a wise, loyal advisor or coach’ who shares their wisdom with you on an ongoing basis
2. Why do they do this? To give back to their community or society at large. And to develop their skills as teacher, manager, strategist or consultant. And to learn new ideas.Yaani, mentorship is a two way process

“Having a mentor allows access to information that may not otherwise be available to you,” says Connie Lindsey, Senior VP, The Northern Trust Co. “That’s because mentors show you the ropes–those that are tangible and intangible. They have insight not only about the mechanics of a company but also the nuances that may be difficult for a new employee to interpret.”

Everybody needs a sounding board. Mentors have usually ‘been there, done that.’ They are (usually) free. Great for expanding your social network.

Specifically, a mentor can:
• Hone your short-term and long-term career strategy
• Gain visibility in the workplace and in your field
• Create opportunities to gain valuable experience
• Change your career path
• Negotiate salary
• Balance work and family

Beware of the dynamics. But do not let negativity poison you or stop you.
• Do not confuse mentoring or coaching with friendship
• Don’t put your mentor in a position where she has to figure it all out for you. Your job is to make the link between what you are told and how you will apply it to your life.
• People want to mentor a rising star not a ‘needy’ one – position yourself accordingly
• Mentoring can be a tool of manipulation, politics and abuse.
• How much credit does a mentor take for your accomplishments?
• Mentor within or outside your company? Competitive company?
• Outgrowing your mentor / Breaking off if relationship does not work

Tips on working with your Business Mentor
“People need to understand mentors are human beings just like mentees are,” says Mike Hyter, president and CEO of Novations/J. Howard & Associates. “We tend to be attracted to strength, not weakness; willing learners, not people who feel entitled … Someone who genuinely loves the(ir) business is contagious. This is a person who’s genuinely trying to grow in the environment they’re in.”

• Take an interest in the person as a human being.
• Be clear about what you’re doing and what you need.
• Listen, listen, listen to what they say.
• Thank the person for their time.

To view Mentors Presentation kindly click here

Put your hand up and suggest that women discuss the issues about being a woman. Do not be surprised if the response you get is a list of challenges they face everyday. Go on a web search and look for “Women”; do not be surprised if your search results focus on all the bad things that women have to face daily. True, women have a lot to deal with, but not all of it is bad. Some of it has to do with adjusting to success, balancing work with family, and reaching out for a place in the leadership ranks in business, in society and in politics.

Storymoja came up with the Women in Leadership (WIL) series of seminars in the hope of providing a platform for women to discuss how they can improve themselves at work, at home, and in society at large. Also, the aim is for women to get inspired and get advice from other women who have made it in their fields. Such a session of the WIL series was held at the Storymoja Nyamachoma Fiesta. The session was divided into three parts:

1. Mentoring.
2. Work-life balance
3. What do women want?

These sessions featured moderators and facilitators including Ivy Mwai, Irene Kinuthia, Betty Wamalwa and Muthoni Garland.

MENTORS
Speaker: Ivy Mwai
Organization: African Leadership Academy- Johannesburg

Ivy posed the question “Who is a mentor?” The participants had several ideas. One guest suggested that a mentor is ‘Someone who has been there and done that and wants to share it with others.’ It was noted that it is valuable to have a mentor, especially for guidance, as a role model, and for professional consultations.

How do you find a mentor?
Ivy outlined 15 steps to help you find the right mentor. It is importance to explore your network of relatives, friends, professional associations and networking groups. He or she must be someone you admire and respect.

15 Steps to Find the Right Mentor
1. Define a list of your top goals for the mentoring relationship.
2. Brainstorm a list of prospective mentors.
3. Research available information about them.
4. Select the top candidates who share your goals.
5. Write a letter or e-mail to your prospective mentor requesting a meeting.
6. Call to set up the meeting.
7. Prepare a short list of questions to get feedback on your current situation.
8. Meet with them; ask about their history, current situation and goals.
9. State your goals and ask relevant questions.
10. If you are impressed by their responses, find out their views regarding a mentoring relationship.
11. Send a thank-you note and perhaps a gift.
12. Review your notes.
13. Take action on their suggestions.
14. Call to discuss the results of those actions and request a second appointment.
15. Propose a mentoring relationship.

After outlining and holding a lengthy discussion on the above points, Ivy concluded by giving tips on working with your mentor:
• Take an interest in the person as a human being.
• Avoid remarks like, “I’d like to pick up your brain.”
• Don’t try to monopolize a lot of your mentor’s time at first.
• Be clear about what you are doing and what you need.
• Listen, listen and listen to what they say.
• Thank the person for their time.
• Reciprocate once in a while.
• Learn to make links between cause and effect.
• Do not put the mentor in a position where he or she has to figure it all out for you.

Mentoring is a two-way relationship where the mentor and the person being mentored have a mutual benefit.

WORK-LIFE BALANCE
Speaker: Irene Kinuthia
Organization: Quantum Conferences

As many more women engage in professional careers, many more are finding it harder to fulfill all their duties as professionals, mothers, and wives, and friends. For a woman to be productive in her line of duty, she must learn the art of balancing all she is involved in. Irene started by giving a case study to the participants to read. It is a Strange Feeling is a story of a professional woman who is happy at work but she is not happy about her family and social life. Irene then asked the participants to point out the negatives and positives of such a situation, and to suggest how the woman could balance her work, family and social life. She gave some recommendations:
1. Creating Time
She advised women to have a diary to write their daily activities and schedule them at a particular time to create order. Procrastination is dangerous; do what you are supposed to do at that particular time, she said.
2. Involvement Management
Women should get involved in all they do with their entire minds. Many women multi-task in their minds unconsciously. They are at the office, home and with their children at the same time. Focus has to be put on what one is doing at that particular time.
3. Satisfaction
Get satisfaction in your areas of interest. Enjoy what you are doing for maximum productivity.
4. Management Skills
Life is worth managing and it needs a C.E.O. and that is you. Know yourself well and learn to prioritize. Learn to say no because sometimes you cannot be everywhere. Self-management skills have advantages like health, balance, lowering of stress, higher performance, and better goal setting ad achieving.

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?
Speakers: Muthoni Garland and Betty Wamalwa
Organization: Storymoja

“Women have a weakness of always talking about what they don’t want. ‘I don’t like my shoes, I hate her behaviour.’ But they rarely talk about what they want.” These were the opening remarks from Muthoni Garland. She explained that this was what drove her to come up with this talk on what women really want. If we know what we really want then we can focus on it and thus get it.
Betty Wamalwa urged the women to have clear goals in life so as to have defined successes. She affirmed that she has always known what she wants and that is why she has made it. The session was highly interactive, whereby the participants were divided into groups of two to discuss the following:
a) What they want
b) What hinders them from achieving what they want
c) What they need to do to overcome the hindrances so as to get what they want.

Women should think big and aim high even when they start small businesses. Muthoni gave a good example, saying that if you want to start a hair salon, why not express it as: “I am starting a hair empire.” Women have to talk about what they want and what their ambitions are regardless of the fear that someone might steal their ideas.
All in all the women left the session inspired and energized. Watch this space for more Women in Leadership sessions.

The first Session of the Series, opened with a reading by Poet Sitawa Namwali (Betty W. Muragori) from her poem, Say my name. Betty has a degree in zoology and botany and is happily married with three children.

The Chief Guest at this Session was Betty Radier, CEO of McCann Erickson. Soon after Sitawa’s poetry reading, Betty started her presentation with a dramatic opening, appearing dressed in industrial safety gear. She made the point, by getting rid of the gear and reappearing as a beautifully dressed lady, that women do not have to go out of their way to prove their competence. They can still be feminine, beautiful and efficiently competent in whatever career role they chose.

Betty Radier’s presentation was made by quotes, carefully chosen to demonstrate common stereotypes, common reactions to them, and the woman’s choice. The very first one pointed out: No matter what your age, religion or status in life, what we are made of mostly is unlocked potential.

Some of the main points from the presentation included the following:

• Understand who is reading your image. This will help you to present a convincing and capable persona.
• Work on your image presentation. A woman’s image is watched more than a man’s.
• Do not use femininity as an excuse for mistakes, failings and weaknesses.
• Unlearn the socialisation of femininity when in controlled situations. Do not fulfil the stereotypes; emotional, high-strung, irrational etc. Business is business.
• Network to build your business contacts, to fulfil your obligations, to learn more about the trends.
• Learn to verbalise. If we do not like something we can learn to address and vocalise it.
• Work extra hard for visible results. Stay connected to the smallest details.
• Plan. Do not allow circumstances to bog you down.

The women present were able to participate at various points of the presentation, highlighting their own experiences, and the processes that have helped them to prevail.

Elizabeth Mwaura, who is Head of Operations at EMS, explained, “I recognised my potential and chose to move to an environment where it could be unlocked.”

Susanne, a musician said, “Knowing what you want is the Key.” She stressed on strategy, focus and a definite plan.

Nyokabi pointed out, “Things might go wrong. Criticism will come up. Challenges will present themselves. Always remember that it is not personal, it is just business.”

Betty Radier closed the discussion by reminding the ladies present that;

Illiteracy is not marked by the inability to read text, but by the inability to unlearn, relearn, unwrite, rewrite, unread and reread skills, choices and life paths.